quarternotes

Clutch, Brakes, Gas

Noted: b!@n , , Wednesday, December 26, 2012 10:38 AM

Some farewell's are not that simple. So how should I say goodbye to year 2012?

Although there are still a couple of days before the new year, it may be best to start evaluating the past year. Last week, on the last day of work at the office, we had this mini-Christmas recollection. The theme revolved around the concept of the Examen of St. Ignatius of Loyola. We just had to reflect on three questions: What are you grateful for? What are you sorry about? What would you like to pray for? Since we were given only a few minutes to 'recollect' our 2012 thoughts and envision 2013, I am committing myself every night until the 31st to reflect on my year-long Examen. It's time to take a glance at the rear mirror and look at the road ahead.

"About... face!"

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, December 16, 2012 10:18 AM

Even during elementary days, I have known the phrase (more like, the command) stated above: About... face! It simply means to turn your direction, but not make just any turn. You have to face the exact direction you came from. Right now, the climax of my search begins with my own version of this phrase.

Turning and turned.

It's been months already since my hibernation phase when I had to keep a certain distance... from everything. I have been out of the loop for so long; maybe a little too long. But I have no regrets. Every minute was worth it. Every moment was priceless, superb, fantastic!

At the moment, it's hard to put it in a capsule because the steps on my journey to and fro self-discovery are all intertwined. It's even inconsistent and confusing. Nevertheless, it's still a journey... MY journey. And the only destination I'm headed to is in me.

To Be Decided

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, March 18, 2012 11:41 AM

Two hours after midnight. Me. Not so sleepy. And so here I am, trying to compose something out of the dwindling thoughts and random ideas. One minute, I was staring blankly at my Facebook news feed and the next minute, I was feeling nostalgic enough to go through past entries of this rather private blog. It just dawned on me (besides some grammatical cringes I got) that it seems like I'm living a slow life - says the girl who acts like a social butterfly on a weekly basis, sometimes, daily. Point is, I haven't given much thought as to where my life is headed.

One of our episodes from Usapang Kapatid was to "live in the now" which was inspired by Guy Finely's book, Let go and Live in the Now. I think I embraced it big time; too much, that I often let the principles of perception slip through my mind. I've always been the type who would perceive. Well, I guess I still do. I'm just not that confident to say that I seriously look in to the future - in the general sense of the word. In my lame attempt to be detail-oriented, I tend to overlook the bigger picture. I satisfy my pet-peeves all too much that I miss out on the beauty of the whole. I focus too much in the now that I fail to see the obvious future of my decisions.

So far, the aforementioned obvious future doesn't include tragedy - perhaps some cheesy, sappy heartaches; not really the type that turns my life upside-down. Oh, thank God for that! Taking from that note, I don't want to wait for the day when it's already too late to turn around, too late to choose left over right, or too late to say no. Hence, I accept the challenge that has been given to me by my troubled mind. This is between me and life's ticking clock. But how do I do it? Should I widen my sense of perception? Should I seize the good stuff and avoid the bad ones? Or should I simply be ready for everything?

Sigh. I guess my next step would be... (see title) - SOON!

Here I go.

Change

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, January 1, 2012 7:03 AM

YES. That would be the perfect word for my 2011.

Change of heart. Change of mind. Change of relationships. Change of habits. NAME IT!

A good friend of mine suggested (or, I guess, persuaded) that I watch the old series "Ally McBeal" over the break. One character said, "If you think back and replay your year... If it doesn't bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted." (John Cage, "These are the Days" episode 23 of season 1) It made me stop and actually think of the past year... Yeah. I really cried a lot in 2011 - tears of joy and sadness, but mostly, of pain.

2011 was like a huge whirlpool that I got suck into. I got confined in the hospital which forced me NOT to go to work for almost a month. There were a lot of backstabbing and betrayal in my circle of friends. Close colleagues became distant. I got my heart broken twice on the average. Finances weren't THAT well. Some family members had a huge fight over something simple. There were also a number of deaths in the family of close circles. Yes, I could say that these things happen every day in any year. But, these things happened to me.

On top of everything mentioned above, I could say that 2011 was a year of new opportunities. I've gained new friends, I've dated a few guys, I've stretched my abilities and discovered new passions in life. There were a lot of opportunities that came to me and I grabbed each one of them - including the ones that I knew would be risky and tough from the beginning. With each step I took the past year, I've stumbled and conquered a few times or probably a little more. I put everything at stake, took risks and whatnot. I go home almost every night tired... sometimes, I don't go home at all.

Despite 2011 being such a whirlpool, I am glad I was suck into it. God gave me lot of things to be grateful for. I knew that each day isn't a waste. Even in my lazy days, I was able to accomplish something. Heck, even those weeks I'm on house arrest after confinement, I was rather productive! I am grateful for each day; much more grateful to the people I meet and the people I'm starting to love.

So, now I would like to neatly wrap my 2011 and begin 2012 with a smile. I can almost see the rocky and rough roads ahead, but I'm more excited to trying different ways to get through them. I have changed over the past year, and I'm still capable of changing... I can't wait to meet the new "me."

CHEERS!

Note to Future Self

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, September 4, 2011 7:48 AM

Wow, so blogger has a new interface, huh? I wonder if I'm ever gonna get used to this.. It feels so awkward. Change is normal, right?

I haven't really posted anything the past weeks - months even because I've been so busy. I did a few drafts, but I ended up not finishing them eventually. Probably I was just too drained to actually finish an entry.

This one will be really quick. I just want to remember this day - this past week - as a happy day. Years from now, when I look back at my previous entries, I want to remind myself that once, there was a week in September of 2011 that I was really happy. But I hope that when the time comes that I would look back, I would remember what caused this overflowing bliss.Simple joys. Guilty pleasures. High school fantasies. All these things together in a week's journey.

I pray that it won't end here. God, please extend this state... this happy disposition I am learning to love.

A Strange Farewell

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, July 17, 2011 7:33 AM

So how do you say "goodbye" to a dear friend?

Goodbyes are never easy. Whether to a dying loved one or a friend who's going away, it is indeed difficult to say what we call, "parting words." But my question really is, what should I do after saying goodbye?

I tend to trust people easily. I really put myself out there. Most of the time, it's easy for me to be friends with people but it doesn't make the value of friendship any less. I just love meeting different kinds of people, getting in their heads and somehow create a world we can share with his/her interests, character and personality. I cherish all of them dearly.

Which is why I got my heart broken earlier this evening.

A good friend told me it's best not be friends with him and that I should stay away from him. I won't drop details, but he gave me a vague reason why he's asking me such. In this generation's words, "friendship over."

It's actually taking me a while to process it. At first, it was more... "Yeah, okay. I respect you." But now, it's more... "Why?"

We've been friends for only a short while, but for me, it was something deep and real. You can't just drop a bomb on me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Sigh.

Simply put, it's now hurting at the same time confusing. Sometimes, it's hard to verbalize things that are truly painful.

*tears*

merely an entry

Noted: b!@n , , Tuesday, June 21, 2011 7:29 AM

Today is a so-so day for me. But as the moonrise draws nearer and the rain pours harder, the more vulnerable I get. I can probably say that sometimes, a girl just needs to cry over her broken heart.

Actually, I love the weather. It's when the wind is chilly and the sky is dark that I find myself open to my inner soul. This is the best time for me to reflect... to think... to cherish my alone time.

Now, as much as I would like to make this entry longer, I would have to channel my thoughts to my script - due tomorrow for recording.

Wordle!!!

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, June 19, 2011 11:22 AM

QUARTERNOTES: as of today :) from http://www.wordle.net

LOVE vis-a-vis LOVE

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, June 12, 2011 8:58 AM

Lately, I've been having a lot of debates on love or relationship issues with random people in my life. I gotta admit that it's a bit frustrating especially now that I don't exactly have someone at the moment. Sure, I have bright ideas and exceptional theories... but that's it?! Okay, not the really point... moving on...

Ah, love is so simple. I don't get it why people are making it unreasonably complicated. They're the ones messing around. They're the ones playing blind or deaf. And in the end, people blame LOVE.

You see, it's really a beautiful thing and most people fail to see it that way. Love is so magical, yet so genuine. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. No words can actually describe it, but it gives meaning to everything. For some odd reason, people I know bombard this precious thing with cynical views and hopeless spirits. Probably, this is the reason why it's so difficult, and at times, frustrating to debate with these people. My idealism just don't go well with their realism.

Once, I tried to step out of my idealism and try to create a different balance in my life - especially with regards to my past relationship. So that's a mixture of both ideals. I must emphasize, it wasn't pretty (and I think I owe him an apology for creating such mess). Needless to say, I wasn't completely ME at that time; and it took me years to realize that. It was a self-experimentation in my subconsciousness, just because I got excited in entering a new status. Now I'm not even sure if I'm able to go back to how I was before.

I can't say that it did me wrong because I had learned a lot from that experience, and those lessons are the fuel I use whenever I want to speak my mind... whenever I have to debate with someone else's issues. But now it's making me feel detached or something... Oh, I dunno. All this debating is making me confused all the more. Ugh.

People are always busy asking questions about love, etc. But really, it's quite simple. In a nutshell, here's my take. There is no exact formula of a perfect relationship. There is no step-by-step procedure in courtship. There is no universal remedy to a broken heart. Love is just... love.

End of story.

One Week, Three Words, For Always

Noted: b!@n , , Sunday, June 5, 2011 8:55 AM

I just hope this coming week won't be as bad as this past one. It was terrible!

All started Monday afternoon when I had an asthma attack in the middle of our management meeting. I believe it's the first "major" attack this year (and I am certainly not hoping for more of this). I had to leave the board room to get some fresh air and rest a bit in my office; didn't get the chance to go back and finish the meeting. Since that day, I've been running on adrenalin to move about, think and stay in control.

Come Saturday, I had to beg off from the show. It was a battle between meeting a deadline or co-anchoring the show since of the the hosts was absent as well. Either way, I'd still be working so I chose to finish the manuscript. At least I wouldn't have to leave home. But, when 11pm came, I tuned in to the program via internet streaming - multitasking mode: ON.

I really love the program, the prod team and all our listeners. Though I'm not really one of the main anchors, it's always an overwhelming feeling to produce each episode. I remember my radio prod professor telling us that RADIO speaks to millions, and she was definitely correct. Fr. Nono mentioned on-air that I couldn't join them because of my asthma. When he read the text messages sent by the audience, there were a couple of them saying that they'll pray for me to get well soon. It's very touching that these people from across the nation can spare at least P2.50 to make their presence felt... and I don't even know them! *Happy sigh* It warms my heart to know that there are people praying for me. I am truly blessed.

My week may have started out bad, but it's now one of my favorite weeks in this lifetime. So to all the listeners of Usapang Kapatid, thank you so, so much! You may not really notice it, but simple words said by many can bring great joy. Every "Get Well Soon" I heard on the air are kept in my heart for always.

For TJ

Noted: b!@n , , Tuesday, April 19, 2011 8:15 PM

We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. He didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

A couple months ago, my sister asked me to get a mass card for her student. She passed away at a very young age. You see, this particular student has special needs. But she's always been sweet and bubbly according to my sister. She told me how sad they were during her wake. She and her friends got a chance to talk to her brother who narrated how she moved on. Ali told me he went to our college as well. His name was familiar. I searched for him on Facebook and when I found him, I recognized him at once. We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. He didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

He was a few batches younger than me. He belonged to a another department. He lived college so differently from myself. I was in the nerdy-geeky world and he was with this group who ruled the hallway, the canteen, the basketball courts, and this famous place we call bilog. Since our population is lesser compared to other colleges, we might have bumped into each other more than a few times without saying a word to the other. We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. He didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

Ali described him so differently. She said he loves her sister so much. He brought her to school and fetched her home without missing a single day. They were really close. He was gentle to her and her sister loved him dearly - as much as she could. His affection to his little sister was just too painful when she left him. I was introduced to a different person with the same face. Reality hit me that I didn't really know him... We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. He didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

Everyday, I see him online on Facebook. Everyday, I see his shout-outs how much he misses her sister, how much he loves her, how much he's in pain and mourning, how much he is longing for her. Everyday, I make an attempt to talk to him. Everyday, I fail to do so. I don't exactly how to start an actual conversation with him for the first time. We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. He didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

It's very hard to explain but I can feel his pain. I know how it is to lose someone you love dearly to death. Not that my opinion matters, but I would really love to talk to him... take away his pain... make him feel that there's still a bright tomorrow waiting ahead; and his sister would like him to be better... she would like him to bring back his smiles. It saddens me because I myself wouldn't know how to recover from such loss. But I've been strong and somehow, I just wish I could do something, no matter how little, for him. All I can do now is pray for him and ask God to grant him a miracle for himself. If I could only cry for him, I would. My heart goes to you. We weren't exactly friends back in college. We're more acquaintances. You didn't even make a mark in my life... until now.

Sandcastles

Noted: b!@n , , Monday, April 18, 2011 8:23 PM

Is it just me or is the world we're living in just keeps spinning faster and faster each day? Some people are getting engaged after one year of getting together. Others pass by too quickly, you hardly notice them. Good ol' friends start to stab you right upfront. A certain level of friendship changes - it's either launched sky-high like a rocket, or sent drowning with a heavy anchor to the bottom of the ocean.

The obscure reality of change is inevitable. It affects people, culture and God-knows-what. But change is just too natural that sometimes, we tend to ignore every risk that comes with it or every possibility of growth that we fail to grasp. Consequences follow. Regretful hearts cry.

"Ang bilis ng panahon" is now just a common expression of how time passes quickly and you, missing the things you once owned. It's also a bunch of words that counts every opportunity that you let slip through your fingers. We often say this with a smile, eyes filled with tears, or with a blank expression that covers up the emotions you wish to hide. No matter how we see it, it all suggest the same thing: nothing on earth is for good.

I am guilty of living in the fast lane of my own world, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate every single second of life. Call me old-fashioned but if you'd ask me, I would still prefer to travel on the country-side rather than on a highway - taking every stepping stone one by one, building relationships with a long list of joys and pains, falling in love out of friendship. I find joy in old castles that age through time; not by watching sandcastles being washed away into the sea.

Forecast: Six Feet Under

Noted: b!@n , , Monday, April 11, 2011 11:55 PM

Kill me now.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I think I'm starting to dig my grave.

UNSENT volume one

Noted: b!@n , , Monday, March 21, 2011 2:31 AM

This is just an entry of collated thoughts I want or wanted to tell certain people. These are the stuff I can't and/or won't tell them upfront. Normally, I'm all for honesty, but it won't be pretty when I actually tell these to them. So, I've decided to take one for these people. After all, these are just my thoughts.

Dear Ms Morocco. I have no idea why you aren't responding to my messages. We used to be very close despite the distance; we used to keep ourselves updated regularly. Now that you've already crossed some milestone in your life, I seem to be one of those you decided to leave behind. I just miss you and I hope we could still catch-up from time to time.

Dear Mr Green Tea Frappuccino. You've definitely changed. Yeah, we both know you're aware already and that you're sticking with it. If only you can see how unhealthy your situation is. If only you can see how a decision can destroy your life. I miss the good ol' times. Now, all I have are memories. I just wish there's still room for friendship after all the drama. The song "Carousel" by Paramita translates everything I gotta say.

Dear Ms Fine. It amazes me how you and Mr Scarf got together. I wish I had witnessed how it happened. It must be a real joy seeing Mr Scarf wooing you, haha. Needless to say, you guys are happy together. Mr Scarf has been a really good friend, confidant and companion to many things. You're just blessed to have him, so please take care of it. I hope we can be good friends too!

Dear Mr Scarf. You have no idea how I thankful I am that you're in my life. You've played an important role in my darkest hours. Thanks for keeping me afloat. Although, you were really annoying before... now, I'm glad we're okay. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for making me realize my worth.

Dear Mr Grin. I wish to see you again. I know you'll make a difference in my life - and I never go wrong with such hunches. I'm really excited.

Dear Mr Zipper. You're a bundle of surprises. Most of the time, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours. But recently, you surprised me in an awful manner. I felt violated. I honestly don't know how I should feel right now? Traumatic, maybe? But I am strong. I won't let this get me and make me feel less of who I am. I just can't see you... now any time soon.

Dear Mr Bruschetta. You are so naive. Two years? C'mon! This is definitely not normal. But I thank God for each passing day that I get to see you, spend time with you, talk to you. Can I keep you? Even for just a while?

Ripples

Noted: b!@n , , Friday, March 11, 2011 9:04 PM

I love writing. I'm not saying that I'm an astonishing writer, or that my grammar is perfect and I make sense all the time. No. It's not it. I just love to write. Probably because I know I have a lot to say on a lot of things - not all things though. Plus, the world knows (at least my closest friends do), how talkative I am. My sister would often say, "Ate, ang daldal mo" when the lights are out and we're about to go to sleep. A friend once pointed out, "Ano ba 'yan, B, magpapaalam na nga lang ang dami pang sinasabi" - all because it took us about 30 minutes just to say our so-called 'good-byes.' Yeah, call me a little crazy, I know.

But not all the time, someone is there to listen. It may sound selfish, but I must admit that there are times when I just want to talk and talk and talk and I want someone to listen to whatever speech I have to say. At the end of each day, there's this longing of attention... someone to listen to my thoughts, or the stories of how my day went, or to share a lame punchline from the conversation I overheard while having lunch. Ergo, my outlet is through writing. Whether or not I get feedback or comments, it doesn't matter. All I need is an outlet. That's all.

Though there are really rough times no words can translate my thoughts, my insights. So I just keep quiet, but that doesn't mean my brain's not functioning. It's on, 24/7, and (not to brag) it's sometimes too fast for words to capture what really is going on inside this skull of mine. I feel like I've gone cuckoo in the head. Haha. Oh nevermind the thought. Dismissed.

See what I mean? Weird. Insane. Crazy. The list goes on...

Everything's scattered. All's a big blur. It's just like ripples in the water - once it's started, it will just go on and on, getting bigger and bigger - and who knows when it will stop. Frankly, I really don't care. As long as I stay afloat, I will never stop creating ripples of thoughts in my mind.

Winning Over The Enemy (On JesCom's advanced screening of "The Rite")

Noted: b!@n , , Friday, January 28, 2011 10:42 AM

This is definitely worth blogging about.

Tonight, we sponsored a special advanced screening of the film, "The Rite" starring Academy Award winner, Anthony Hopkins, distributed by Warner Brothers. As expected, the "other one"... the "enemy" wanted to sabotage everything.

We had a short program before the film: prayer and opening remark by Fr. Nono Alfonso, SJ a raffle draw and a short talk by Fr. Jocis Syquia. Everything was fine, though a little rough on the edges, but fine. Little did we know that while the film was playing, the enemy made his presence known. At first I thought the audio softened because of a certain dramatic slow motion of a scene... but I was wrong. The following sequence had poor audio; same levels with the previous scene. My mind started to panic when the people were already clapping their hands. And then, the film stopped. It took a lot of rewinds here and there but they couldn't bring it back to where the audio started to fail. In short, it was a disaster.

What I learned from this is that the devil just won't quit... and he just won't win either. When things were out of hand, people were leaving their seats for restroom breaks or to buy food, etc. But I was most dishearten when one girl walking out of her seat with her friends said, "I know it's for a good cause, but this isn't entertaining at all." I guess the enemy got his wish. I prayed for that girl because her reaction was exactly what the enemy wanted to hear; that kind of reaction and everything similar. At that moment, I really prayed, "In the name of Jesus Christ."

I remember when I was still active in YFC and while I was growing up, I have witnessed the works of the enemy. Yes, my dear friends, I believe in the devil... and I believe that God has power over the devil. Every time HIS teachings and miracles are promoted, it is expected that the enemy will do just about everything to prevent it. I have witnessed it so many times in so many ways. He is strong. But our God is strong... in fact, HE is the strongest.

I just pray for everyone who's faith became stronger after watching "The Rite" because most probably a challenge awaits you to go to the other side.

Darkness

Noted: b!@n , , Saturday, December 18, 2010 9:20 AM

On the 18 December 2010 episode of Usapang Kapatid, we had the infamous Dr. Eduardo Jose "Eddieboy" Calasanz to talk about St. John of the Cross (Feast: 14 December). He talked about St. John's spirituality in his poem, "La noche oscura del alma" or "The Dark Night of the Soul." Our episode centered on befriending the darkness and see light - God's light and His great love for us.

During the discussion, I was crying inside. Tears of gladness filled my heart. The words of St. John of the Cross explained by Dr. Calasanz truly touched me in a deep sense. I tweeted with Usapang Kapatid's account (@usapangkapatid) all the good points raised. These are a few of them:

God's light always burns in us. Where there is no love, put love, and you will draw love.about 2 hours ago via web
Passive night: hayaan lang natin ang Diyos na mahalin tayo -Sr. Bubblesabout 2 hours ago via web
The only way to the light is going through the darkness. -Dr. Calasanzabout 2 hours ago via web
Ang kadiliman ay nasa atin - ang ating makipot na puso - kaya nahihirapan pumasok ang liwanag, ang apoy ng dakilang pag-ibig ng Diyos.about 2 hours ago via web
"The dark night is not all about suffering - it's about a transformation." -Dr. Calasanz on The Dark Night by St. John of the Crossabout 2 hours ago via web
"Tear the veil of this sweet encounter" -from the poem, Living Flame of Love by St. John of the Cross.about 2 hours ago via web
"Saan ka nagtago, aking sinta?" -mula sa unang berso ng The Spiritual Canticle ni San Juan dela Cruz.about 2 hours ago via web
Ang mga "hadlang" sa ating buhay ay maaaring maging daan natin patungo sa Diyos.about 3 hours ago via web
Makikita ang dakilang pag-ibig ng Diyos sa pang araw-araw nating pamumuhay.about 3 hours ago via web
9 na buwan pinahirapan si Juan dela Cruz sa kulungan - 9 buwan siyang hinubog para maging isang tunay na anak ng Diyos.about 3 hours ago via web
Ang pagiging "impatient" ni Juan dela Cruz ay dahil sa kanyang dakilang pag-ibig sa Diyos - isang pananabik sa Diyos.about 3 hours ago via web

These are really remarkable points raised during the show. While researching about the life of St. John of the Cross, I was moved by how deep his spirituality is - how firm, how strong, how true. But now that I saw his spirituality within his literature, I couldn't find words to describe the astonishment I'm feeling. Though I know that there's a lot more to it that what we've discussed in our show, I think what I learned was just the right amount of dosage I need to heal my broken spirit. Broken spirit, huh?

I'm not saying that it's totally destroyed, ruined and hopeless. It's broken in the sense that it's carrying a lot of weight - mostly depression from all the pain I'm witnessing from my loved ones and friends. As mentioned this evening, "the only way to the light is going through darkness." I guess this episode was the light my spirit was searching for. For now, amidst the surrounding darkness, I cried - not out of devastation, but because of God's overwhelming love.

Darkness was talked about this evening as the sufferings and pain we experience. It plays the role of life's rough roads, tall walls and huge blocks hindering us from being embraced by God's fiery love. But I, personally, have a different perspective on darkness. Here's my take.

I love the darkness. I'm not a psycho-emo-suicidal freak, okay? I just see it differently. I love the infinity that comes along with it. It doesn't have any limit. It has no boundaries. There's nothing more free than darkness. Especially when it's also surrounded by silence.

There's a lot more you can do in the dark if you just put your mind into it. Exactly. Imagination is the key. Seeing something limits you to describe that something with its physical state. But not seeing that something may push you to pour down as many adjectives as you can passing through all the senses or even more. Darkness is nothing, but darkness is everything.

Aside from it's mysterious nature, I find the darkness very calming, sweet and sincere for it gives me no boundaries when or why or how to talk to my God. It gives me no limit of self-surrendering. It may seem like falling down a bottomless pit, but then in the dark, falling may be different from being cradled. Not really sure if I'm making sense here, or I'm just all blacked-out of this darkness topic.

Darkness is nothing, and everything that is not.

a month for a week

Noted: b!@n , , Friday, November 26, 2010 7:48 PM

Why exactly? I just love this week.

Monday marked the return of my normal life from the two devastating weeks my family faced because of the Dengue craze that hit my two brothers. Thank God, they're all well now. Whew. As I was saying - Monday. I was already experiencing the backlog from work. I was forced to rush a certain book project - layout, editing, proofreading, and coordinating with the artist for the book cover and the printing press - all for an entire week. It's probably the most crammed thing I've ever done in my life.

Aside from the aforementioned, I was also asked to write an episode's script for Pasakalye (a DJ-musicale program) and record for it as well. My, oh my I thought I couldn't make it. But all thanks to the glory of God, HIS spirit was able to somehow put words in my thoughts. Hence, I was able to finish the script fast enough to spare me a few hours of sleep before recording. It was also because of Ms. Rica Bolipata-Santos' article, "Astonishments" that pushed me into writing the best I could. Her articles really inspire me to become the best that I can be in my field. (On that not, I thank you, Ms. Rica! Not only have you been an idol, but a friend despite the distance) Her article was truly "astonishing" and if you want to read it, I think I've posted it somewhere on my Facebook wall.

And speaking of "astonishment" I was really astonished with the heart-to-heart talk I had with my best friend. He doesn't usually take me seriously, but that Thursday night we stayed up until 3am talking about serious matters - stuff that I never thought we'd talk about, ever. Thank you so much, Richell. I needed that, and you know it.

I was also able to meet up with a friend from college who is now taking up his MA in the Ateneo. It was definitely great to catch up, though we're not really that close during college. Old friends are definitely welcome in my new life. Hello JJ... I mean, Magic (because he prefers to be called Magic now)

Another old friend celebrated his birthday two days ago. He was my "kuya" during our chorale days and the school paper days. I was always amazed by how much love and devotion he has for the Blessed Mother. And I look up to him each time we have our little "religious chat." Even though he had a girl friend then, I knew he was the religious life - that he has a calling. Viola! He entered the St. Vincent Seminary and we (me and ate Kat) visited him there, in time for the exhibit he put in honor of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. It was also a good timing because the Vincentian seminarians were scheduled to have a BINGO night for the benefit of their apostolate. We were their only guests, and we are very honored that God let us experience it with them. Kuya Choy never fails to inspire me and encourage me to strengthen my devotion to God and surrender to His will without hesitation. You have been my angel, and now I'm glad that now you can be an angel to more and more people who most need your help.

So there you go... All that in a week's time. And the week isn't over yet... I sure am excited for more out-of-the-box stuff heading this way.

Crumbs!

Noted: b!@n , , Wednesday, November 24, 2010 1:16 AM

I really hate it when people look little of me. How do you say it in Filipino - minamaliit?

I may be just quiet most of the time. I may carry this simple and light personality. But I'm much more than that - DEFINITELY so much more! Right now, I feel so underestimated; like I'm the kind of person who can't do anything right, who doesn't pick up quickly, who's a failure.

Dang! I'm really, ultimately upset right now. This certain person really has a way of making me feel so useless, and like I couldn't understand anything about a particular subject. Okay, yeah, I get it. When it comes to this field, YOU'RE the guy! But heck! When you were out of the country, I was the one working on my projects. ME! And it's not like I was born in the 14th century, for crying out loud! I know what I'm doing! And not to brag, but I actually am good at what I do. You may know more about these stuff, but just you wait. I'll be better than you, so don't ever look down on me. There will come a time that I'll be the cookie, and all you'll ever be are crumbs on my plate.

7 Random Thoughts

Noted: b!@n , , Monday, November 22, 2010 6:48 PM

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER ONE

Home. I miss home. Even though I just came from home. i just miss home.

Okay, excessive usage of "home" haha.

Or maybe I just miss the constant feeling of being "at home" anywhere I go or whoever I am with. Am giving away free hugs, anyone?

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER TWO

This morning, I woke up with so much rage! Inexplicable rage! And NO, it's not about my hormones... can't remember ever lashing out at anything during my cycles.

Even up to now, I feel like starting a fight with... well, anyone. But of course, I won't do it. I still have my senses with me... somewhere. Haha.

Just wait a minute. Was it a full moon last night?

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER THREE

I think I'm dehydrated. All dried up like Sahara.

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER FOUR

Ugh, busted mouse again?! It's not lighting up but the clickers are working fine. Tss, who am I kidding? Busted, still.

What is it with me and these computer mice? When did they declare war against me? *sniffs* And more importantly, why?

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER FIVE

I want to go an a movie marathon - not the ones currently showing in the theaters, but old ones. Old romantic movies. Call me cheesy but they certainly know how to make me feel better.

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER SIX

Before leaving home for work, Brian, one of our students, came in. He's so small. I think he's just about 2ft tall! He's just new and a bit shy, but I think he's going to be one of the rascals soon enough.

RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER SEVEN

I want coffee.

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