"I think it's best that you don't know." -Anonymous

Have you kept some little detail from someone that you wouldn't really think of telling it to this one person so you could refrain from further screw ups, awkwardness and confusion?

It's like you really, really want to tell him/her because you tell him/her almost everything. But this detail... this particular information would sure destroy everything. It would cause damage if not destruction. But you would rather keep silent; you just have to. If you want to keep him.

Is this becoming selfish? No, I don't think so. You're only saving you both from further pain and dismay. So have you ever felt like you want to shout something out to the world, but you're just too afraid that he might hear it?

I think this is enough. 'Coz I know, I had.

"How's my life so far?" er, next question please!

So the last couple of months have been so wild! Lemme just squeeze everything in a capsule (or capsules. most of you know how LONG I write) LOL.

If you really want a gist... like a picture book type, you may visit my Twitter or Twitpic pages.

Coffee has been my daily dosage of oxygen. My constant companion for me to be able to function... or at least walk straight without bumping in to anyone. I've been addicted to espresso shots and latte @GJ. The next thing I knew, I've already formed an entire new circle of chums with the baristas there. In the not-so-past, my sister and I usually hang out there to catch up. Although lately, we've been really busy so I hang out there mostly because of work... and mostly alone (of course, with Apollo. that's a given already.) Or if my brother has training in karate and I have to wait for him. It's really fun chatting with them because I feel young.. well, okay, maybe a little juvenile at times. But it's freakin' cool coz I'm mostly with older people at work. Not that they're sooo old or anything, but a lot of them are at least 5 years older than me. It's nice to hang around people my age. Carefree. Easy. Oh, I am so missing my college friends right now.

The weather is driving and drowning everyone like CRAZY! With Ondoy and Pepeng hitting the metro and the north of Luzon respectively, Filipinos' stable lives there were crushed in an instant. But somehow, it made me proud to be a Filipino all the more... hearing stories of heroism, bayanihan and stuff... aah, the Filipinos are really worth living and dying for (Ninoy and Cory Aquino)

Work is... should I say, killing me. I'm dead tired, but still I want to do more. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love what I do. I love my workplace. I just love it... though, somehow.. there are times when I feel that it doesn't love me back. Insane.

Lately, I've been out of track and feel like I'm detached to myself. Or just simply, Detached. Many contributed a lot of theories, but I can't seem to verbalize it. Words are not even enough. And I don't know who I can talk to about this. Someone who will take me seriously and not like I'm the greatest drama queen of all time.

Oh life.. there are a lot of things to be thankful for. I sure hope I'd be able to convince myself to focus and eye on the goal EACH and EVERY time.

So how IS my life so far? Honestly...? I really don't know.


Change the World by Changing Me

The Sufi Bayazid says this about himself:


I was a revolutionary when I
was young and all my prayer to God was
"Lord give me the energy to change
the world."

"As I approached middle age and realized
that half my life was gone without my
changing a single soul, I changed my
prayer to "Lord, give me the grace to
change all those who come in contact
with me. Just my family and friends,
and I shall be satisfied."

"Now that I am an old man and my days
are numbered, my only prayer
is, "Lord, give me the grace to change
myself. "If I had prayed for this right
from the start I would not have wasted
my life.

NOVENA PRAYER FOR CORAZON “TITA CORY” C. AQUINO

God’s Word Today, The Philippine Star
Fr. Manoling V. Francisco, S.J.

NOVENA PRAYER FOR CORAZON “TITA CORY” C. AQUINO

Leader: A Reading from the Holy Gospel according to John. (John 6: 37-40)

Jesus said to the crowd:
“It is the will of him who sent me
that I should lose nothing of what he has given me;
rather, that I should raise it up on the last day.
Indeed, this is the will of my Father,
that everyone who looks upon the Son
and believes in him
shall have eternal life.
Him I will raise up on the last day.”

This is the Word of God.

All: Thanks be to God.

Leader: Let us recite the prayer of self-surrender to God that Tita Cory herself wrote in
2004.

All: Almighty God, most merciful Father, You alone know the time
You alone know the hour, You alone know the moment
When I shall breathe my last.

So remind me each day, most loving Father, to be best that I can be
To be humble, to be kind, to be patient, to be true,
To embrace what is good, to reject what is evil, to adore only You.

When that final moment does come,
Let not my loved ones grieve for long, let them comfort each other.
And let them know how much happiness they brought into my life.
Let them pray for me as I will continue to pray for them,
Hoping that they will always pray for each other.

Let them know that they made possible whatever good I offered to our world
And let them realize that our separation is just for a short while
As we prepare for our reunion in eternity.

Father in heaven, You alone are my hope. You alone are my salvation.
Thank You for Your unconditional love. Amen.

Leader: As Tita Cory expresses gratitude to the Lord for her life and many blessings, let
us thank the Lord, in Tita Cory’s own words, for the gift that she has been to our
people and the rest of the world.


All: In pain and sorrow
I have never been alone
Many thanks, dear Lord!
A heart full of love
In times of deep affliction
This I pray for, Lord…
In much hurt and pain
Yet my heart is not bleeding
Thank You, Thank You Lord!

Leader: Let us turn to Mother Mary to whom Tita Cory was devoted all her life to
accompany Cory to her Son Jesus Christ.

All: Hail Holy Queen, mother of mercy
Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope
To you do we cry poor banished children of Eve
To you do we send up our sighs,
Mourning and weeping in this valley of tears
Turn then most gracious advocate
Your eyes of mercy upon us,
And after this our exile
Show unto us your blessed fruit of your womb Jesus.
O clement! O Loving! O sweet Virgin Mary!

Leader: Let us pray.

Lord Jesus Christ, Savior of the world, we pray for your servant, Tita Cory, and
commend her to your mercy. For her sake you came down from heaven; receive
her now into the joy of your kingdom. We make this prayer in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

All: Amen

Leader: Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord.

All: And let perpetual light shine upon her.

Leader: May she rest in peace.

All: Amen.

Leader: May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

All: Amen.



Fr. Manoling Francisco, S.J. is a prolific composer of liturgical music and serves on the faculty of the Loyola School of Theology. For feedback on this column, email tinigloyola@yahoo.com

VIA: Very Ignorant Animal

DISCLAIMER:
Ilang beses ko rin pinag-isipan kung isusulat ko ito sa English o sa Filipino. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko, “Eh ano ngayon? Basta maiintindihan ako ng taong gusto kong makabasa nito.” Kaya ngayon pa lang, gusto ko na mag-sorry sa mga taong very particular sa language o wika ng isang article. For those who can’t understand Filipino, I suggest you have someone interpret this for you… that is, if you even give a damn.

DISCLAIMER PART 2:
Ang mga characters ay hindi necessarily existing. Hindi rin naman sila completely fiction. Kaya kung may matamaan man, bato-bato sa langit. At kung deadma ang ilan, mahiya ka naman. Don’t overreact, guys. Katuwaan lamang po ito.



VIA: Very Ignorant Animal
A Testimonial

I was born in the 80s. Kabilang ako sa libo o milyong mga batang binansagan nilang, EDSA babies. Pero ang article na ito ay hindi tungkol sa akin. Nasabi ko lang para alam ninyo kung ano na ang age ko ngayon, kung sakali mang abutin ng ilang taon o dekada ang buhay ng manuscript na ito. Para itong isang testimony about this girl I met.

Ang write-up nga na ito ay tungkol sa isang taong nakilala ko a few years back. Para na rin sa kapakanan niya, papalitan ko na lang ang pangalan niya. Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang, Via. Dapat ay KAVI ang ipapalayaw natin sa kanya. KAVI, isang pangalan para sa lalaki na ang ibig sabihin ay “wise man, sage, o poet” in Sanskrit. Pero dahil babae siya, I’ve decided to rearrange the letters instead, omit some letters or just one, thus the name: VIA. Pasintabi lang po sa mga babeng (o binabaeng) Via ang pangalan… o sa mga may kilalang Via ang name. I come in peace po. Mamaya, malalaman ninyo kung bakit ito ang pinili kong alias niya.

Si Via ay isang college student nang makilala ko siya. Typical student na nagsusuot ng uniform, sumasakay ng jeep, may nakasabit na bag sa kaliwang balikat at bitbit ang ilang libro at binder sa kanang braso. Mahaba ang kanyang buhok noon – minsan nakaayos, minsan nakalugay. Akala niya siguro “hot” tignan kung nakalugay. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto mo siyang pahabulin sa suklay. Tama lang naman ang hitsura niya – not too short, not too tall, not too skinny, not too stout. Typical nga eh, pero minsan I ask myself, “bakit kaya feeling niya maganda siya?”


THE CLOSE ENCOUNTER

Nakatitig ako sa isang lumang bulletin board sa gym. Iniisip ko kasi kung paano ko bubuhayin ang isang plain sight. Masyadong dull, I told myself. Then she approached me na parang isang bula. Tila gusto niya akong tulungan sa decoration na aking pinaplano. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya. Akala ko kasi noong time na ‘yon, matinong tao ito kahit na may hesitation and doubts ako sa unang engkuwentro naming... Nang tumagal, isa pala siyang, FC. Feeling Close. Simula noon sinabi ko na sa sarili ko, ayaw ko sa kanya.


MIRROR: A REFLECTION

Ngayon, mas malinaw na sa akin ang lahat kung bakit ayaw ko sa kanya. Simple lang naman. Galit ako sa mga taong social climber. Galit ako sa mga taong mataas ang tingin sa sarili, kahit na wala naman talaga silang binatbat. Galit ako sa mga taong akala nila’y magaling sila, pero hindi. Galit ako sa mga taong nagpapanggap na articulate, pero sa totoo lang, mas mabuti pang ‘wag na lang silang magsalita. At lalong galit ako sa mga taong mahilg mag-english na hindi naman keri. Siguro iniisip ninyo na ang yabang ko naman. Lahat naman tayo nagkakamali. Oo alam ko ‘yon. Pero iba kasi yung sablay ka nga, hindi mo pa inaamin, ipinagmamalaki mo pa sa mundo. Nakakaawa, pero nakakainis. Ito ang mga taong gaya ni Via na hindi marunong tumungin sa salamin. Hindi nila nakikita ang kanilang mga pagkakamali at kakulangan. Kaya pala feeling niya hot siya nang nakalugay ang mahaba niyang hair. Hindi po ate, hindi po talaga.


VIA AND ROMY

Minsan na siyang naging malapit sa best friend ko. Apparently, bukod sa pagiging isang ilusyonada, isa rin pala siyang linta. Dikit kasi ng dikit. At ang kawawang best friend ko, bilang isang lalaki, naakit naman ang loko. Itago natin sa pangalang Romy… as in Romy Diaz. Dahil.. wala lang. naisip ko lang.

Matagal ko nang kilala si Romy. May pitong taon na ata? At kahinaan talaga niya ang sweetness ng isang babae. Kung naging malandi lang ako, matagal ko na sigurong naakit itong si Romy. Pero ibang klase itong si linta… este, Via pala. During that time, may nobyo ang gaga. (Oo, may pumatol, drugs ang sinisisi ko. Joke lang.) Hindi ko nga alam kung anong nakita ni Romy sa kanya bukod sa porsha’t bogelia niyang nakaratay sa mga mata ni Romy. Mahal nga daw niya. Maniwala ako. “She’s driving me crazy,” wika ni Romy. Talaga nga namang mababaliw ka sa kanya. Ni hindi mo nga maintindihan minsan kung anong sinasabi niya. Madalas sa mga chat at text nila, nag-e English si Via. Si Romy naman, alam naman niyang mali-mali ang grammar ng iniirog niya, wala pa rin siyang care. Tsk tsk tsk. Love is blind nga naman. Pero dito ko lang napatunayan na Love is also deaf and mute. Tama rin pala ang grupong Salbakuta nang ipinagsigawan nila sa buong Pilipinas na tanga ang pag-ibig. Stupid Love!

Isang madaling araw sa McDo, sinabi sa akin ni Romy habang kumakain kami ng Sausage McMuffin, “I’m over her!” At ang nasabi ko na lang ay, I doubted, ika ni Via [na ang ibig talagang sabihin ay ‘I doubt it’] Ang sabi ni best friend Romy tapos na daw talaga ‘yon. Naku po! After a few days o weeks pa ata, nang magkita na naman kami sa McDo, inamin ng loko na hindi pa siya over dito. Mabuti na lang hindi ko naluwa ang Longganisang nginunguya ko. May mga inamin si Romy at tama nga ako. Isang full-pledged linta si gaga. Ang sabi ko naman, tara, inom lang ang katapat niyan. Sky to limit! [Isa na namang classic Via statement na ang ibig talaga niyang sabihin ay ‘sky’s the limit’]

Tumagal din ng one year, more or less ang kabaliwang ito. Mabuti na lang, natigil din. Nagising na ang kaibigan ko. Siguro binalikan ni Romy magbasa ng dictionary o dinalaw siya sa panaginip ng mga SV Agreement [Subject-Verb Agreement]. Thank heavens!


AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF IT

Natapos na rin sa wakas ang lovesick moments ng kaibigan ko. Time to move on, ika nga. Pero hindi lang talaga ako maka-move on sa mga natutuklasan ko tungkol kay Via. Nakakalat ang mga friendster at blogs ang kanyang mga “obra” kung tawagin niya. I can’t help but read Via’s entries. It was so bad napapamura na lang ako, if not laugh at it till tears fill my eyes. Sakit sa headache ang mga entries niya. I swear, gusto ko na talaga siya regaluhan ng dictionary… o kaya bigyan ng scholarship para makapag-enroll ulit siya ng grade 1 for refresher grammar shit. Baka sakaling mag-improve ang drama ng lola mo. Ang sama na siguro ng tingin ninyo sa akin. But take it from me, subukan niyo lang basahin, baka mapanginti pa kayo.

Di naglaon, pati facebook ay na-invade na niya. Subukan man niyang i-correct ang mga entries niya… pucha, mali pa rin. Kawawa naman ang mga teachers niya noon. Sorry po mga Sir at Ma’am, mukhang may naipasa kayong student na sapilitan lang, tama po ba?

At kaya ko nga po ito naisulat mga kaibigan. Dahil bumalik sa aking ala-ala na may nakilala pala akong Via noon. Kung tutuusin, kawawa si Via. Dahil nagiging pugad ng laugh trip ang kanyang mga web pages. Naisip ko lang, may nagsasabi kaya sa kanya ng katotohanan? May naglalakas o maglalakas loob kaya na magsabi sa kanya na tumingin na muna sa salamin?

Siguro naman, by now, gets niyo na kung bakit ko pinili ang alias para sa kanya. Isa kasi siyang makata sa sarili niyang mundo. May sarili atang English book o Grammar book ang lola mo. Nananalo siya sa sarili niyang Spelling Bee at may sariling dictionary. Viationary, patay tayo diyan!


PARA KAY VIA AT SA MGA NAKAKAKILALA SA KANYA

Kung totoo ka man at mabasa mo ito. Please lang. Shut up if you can’t express it properly. Or better yet… Magtagalog ka na lang. Nasa Pilipinas naman tayo, maiintindihan ka rin ng kapwa mo Pinoy. Hindi yung parang you’re tryingso hard to sound smart, hindi mo naman kaya. Peace out!



Sorry feeling ko bitin. Nabitin rin ako sa pagsusulat ko eh. Pero kasi, na-realize ko na tama na itong mga naisulat ko. Siguro naman I've made my point. Uulitin ko lang. Bato-bato sa langit, ang tamaan.... hindi ka kasi tumitingin eh!

Music Sheet

After almost a month of planning, finally, we did it!
It was like a reunion or something... or whatever you wish to call it. But for me (and my friends), it's really a celebration of MUSIC!

COMPOSITION: Lyrics (The first letter dated 22 April 2009.)
It started out with one simple chat over YM... and after nearly two weeks the series of emails began. With the subject "hoy! musikero ka ba?" we were able to accumulate 49 entries discussing the logistics and other details. Thank God for Gmail, it was easy for me to track these emails down. Haha.

COMPOSITION: Notes (What's a song without the Melody?)
I'd like to call it, "The Guest List" (of the Red Carpet), lol! I believe that each one in this list has a note to play in our song of friendship. Keeping this in mind, we were able to widen our circle... creating the best song there is! The band.

THE SONG
Finally, May 9 came. I actually had to work first before meeting up with them. When we entered the realm we'd like to call Noisecurb, the magic started. Hearing the first hit of the snare and the cymbals, creating this unpredictable beat... the first strum of the guitar, with rhythm that flows naturally... the first heart-pumping thud of the bass, pounding here and there... even the feedback from the microphones, that pretty much was all over the four corners of the room... My soul can't bear the excitement! Our hearts started to beat as one. It felt like we weren't there as individuals... We became one with the music.

Here's our line up: (in no particular order)
Alanis M. - Perfect
Sugarcult - Memory
Paramita - Carousel
Session Road - Eager Angels
Moonstar88 - Migraine
Cranberries - Linger
Parokya Ni Edgar - Silvertoes
Eraserheads - Superproxy
...and a few more I couldn't remember...

It was one of the best three hours in my life. No Par Value lives for music!

Just a little history...
No Par Value was born during the first quarter of 2007 (guys, am I right?) to join the college battle of the bands, with original members Alex, Topeng, Fed and Arnold. (Did I miss anyone?) NPV won first place, of course. For the rest of the story.. just let them narrate :P

For No Par Value covers, please visit the following pages:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ramonfelipe2004
http://www.youtube.com/user/watashiwa19
http://www.youtube.com/user/NoParValueGroup

Moving on...

THE AFTER PARTY
Centerstage was the next stop to meet up with the rest of the gang. It was six full hours of KTV! No wonder our bill ... ah never mind, too painful, huh? But it was all worth it... who's with me?! =)
What was amusing here was there were no stereotyping sh*t whatsoever. The selected songs varied from classics to OPM, from duets to rock bands, from boy bands to RnB... basically, everything under the sun (or the KTV's collection, no pun!)

CURTAINS CLOSED
From one of our favorites; a few lines from the song Memory by Sugarcult:
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

I closed my curtain, smiling at each memory of that night. When hearts beat as one. When souls collide. When one song was sung by those I love. This friendship is certainly bonded with different melodies, building up to one beautiful harmony... til the very last note.