Notice how a butterfly flutters from flower to flower... and if you don't pay much attention you lose sight of it. Its beauty blends well with the flowers. They say that butterflies have short life spans, so we only have very limited time to appreciate it. However, our lives are not as short as these insects. We have more time to live - to experience God's love.
Last December 24, 2008 we celebrated our first Christmas without Papa. Two Christmases ago, Papa spent Christmas eve in the hospital as we had to rush him that afternoon. Since then, he never regained his former strength.
EGG
I remember spending Christmas and summer vacations at their place with my cousin. He and Mama would wake up extremely early in the morning to prepare breakfast. Then they would say, "Get ready, we're going out!" Like that surprises us - we go out almost everyday!
As early risers, we've also become early mall goers... so early, the malls are not even open when we arrive. So we spend more than an hour strolling around the block, until the mall is open. During these walks we would tell stories to Papa and Mama... and they would share their wisdom to us. Of course, as little girls, we're too young to appreciate wisdom but we're always grateful to have someone listen to us over a cup of hot choco and hash browns.
Papa just loved crossword puzzles. I just that comes with being a lawyer - it will only be over when the case is over. Every afternoon, I would see him with a newspaper and a pen then I would sit beside him and think, how can all these hard words fit Papa's brain. I wondered until I was old enough to develop and understand a little bit more vocabulary. I even helped him solve some of the words - of course he knew the answers minutes before I could write them down. I wanted to be like him. Not necessarily a lawyer, but someone with a sharp mind.
I wasn't sleeping when the Japanese animation craze hit the television screens in the Philippines. I even learned how to speak, read and write Japanese. When I would tell Papa about it he would frown. He didn't like the Japanese, and as I grew older, I began to understand why. During the war, he and his brother were held captives of the Japanese soldiers. I don't want tell the whole story because I'm sure I can never put the right words to describe all the pain and suffering they experienced.
LARVA (Caterpillar)
The last two years of Papa was exhausting. He was rushed in and out of the hospital, he had to undergo dialysis (which he hated so much) and he was getting frustrated because he couldn't do the things he wanted - he couldn't drive, he couldn't walk around the neighborhood alone, he gave up his hobby of crossword puzzles... It was painful seeing Papa suffer. It really is painful seeing someone you love suffer.
By this time, I was already working. I would tell him stories about my work, my friends (even my love life) and as always he would share his wisdom I can now understand. He remembered every detail of my story and would ask me about it the next time we meet.
There were times I stayed with him in the hospital. I admired Mama and Ate An (my aunt) who took care of him most of the time. How can they stand strong seeing Papa in his weakest. I admired my Mom, their youngest, who was trying to keep herself sane managing the school, our home, and Papa's condition.
PUPA (Crysalis)
In the summer of 2008, we almost lost Papa. I was ready at that time. We were given time to talk to Papa alone, and while I was there, I prayed really hard. If it would end Papa's suffering, then, Lord, it's up to YOU. We took out all his life support and let God do the rest. That evening after he was anointed, for some miraculous reason, he regained strength enough for him to be sent back home.
Our hospital trips were countless since then. When I stayed with him in the hospital, he would share to us dreams of seeing Tatay Juan (his late brother), and Jesus' tomb. I laughed with him but I was crying inside because I knew he would have to leave us soon. But despite the pain, I would still visit him and bring him his favorite chocolate-frosted doughnut. I would feed him while telling stories - and it's really amazing because he could still recall every word. Mama told me he would ask for my doughnuts once in a while - and the last was one September evening. Papa left us on September 15, 2008. (Metamorphosis)
IMAGO (Adult Butterfly)
Weeks after the interment, Mom asked Papa for a sign... and if he's in heaven with God, let us know.. give us a sign. And then, one morning, while she was in the living room, she saw a big pale-yellow butterfly (just like Papa's pale-yellow skin). I saw it when I came home from work. I know it's Papa. I could feel his presence. The butterfly went to every corner of the house like there was nectar in every spot. It even surprised Mom a couple of times while she was cooking or cleaning. Then we had to say goodbye to Papa one more time. Until one day, Mom showed me the lifeless butterfly. Papa really knows how to leave a mark in this household. We framed the butterfly to remind us that Papa will always be with us and we never had to say goodbye.
Life is short but it's up to us to make it rich. Just like Papa did. I got to learn more about his during his funeral when I met some of his friends. Papa was a fair man. He's an ideal lawyer who is just and full of wisdom. He made wise decisions and made everyone proud. He was a loyal friend and a loving brother. He didn't just make a mark in this world.. but in the hearts of those who love him. I will always love Papa. I miss him everyday.
** In memory of Carlomagno "Charlie" Cañonero.
May 18, 1926 - forever...
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